Jenny McCarthy’s Breast Implants Gave Her Child Autism

I’m no scientist but from what I understand breast implants contain silicon and when these silicon molecules break off and make their way into a woman’s colostrum they cause damage to a child’s development. I mean how could they not? It’s not natural.

Ok, so that’s bollocks. And probably libelous. But it’s definitely as scientifically sound as Autism being caused by vaccinations. I say this for a few reasons:

  1. Vaccines don’t cause Autism.
  2. The only study that linked Autism to vaccinations was authored by a man who was found by the General Medical council to have ‘acted dishonestly’ and had been ‘paid to conduct the study by solicitors representing parents who believed their children had been harmed by the MMR vaccine’. He was also found to have manipulated data during the study.
  3. Vaccines don’t cause Autism.
  4. The only study that linked Autism to vaccinations has been widely discredited which resulted in multiple complete printed retractions of the findings of the study.
  5. Vaccines don’t cause Autism.
  6. Autism rates have only increased because Autism diagnostic practices have changed including the fact that Autism is no longer classified as a single disorder but rather a spectrum of many different types of disorders which, naturally, encompasses a greater number of people.
  7. Vaccines. Don’t. Cause. Autism.

Sometimes people who argue against vaccines will say things to me like, “Jim Blogs didn’t vaccinate his children and they are fine.” Jim Blog’s children weren’t vaccinated in a nation of people who ARE vaccinated and DIDN’T get sick? Remarkable! The fact is that if everyone followed the example of Jim Blogs we would have no ‘herd immunity’ and people would start dying, in great numbers, of diseases that haven’t been a problem for almost a hundred years (sometimes longer).

Sometimes people who argue against vaccines will say things to me like, “I immunised my child and they ran a fever and were itchy.” This can happen. Sometimes it is an allergic reaction to the vaccine (see below). But the fever is probably because the body is having an immune response, vaccines aren’t a magic serum that you inject and it simply stops you getting sick. You’re thinking of heroin. And you don’t get sick because you’re dead. Vaccines work by triggering the bodies immune response to create anti-bodies. They do this with the help of an ‘adjuvant’. An adjuvant is kind of like the Rick Santorum in a vaccine. It enters the body, starts giving the body the shits so the body responds to the vaccine and eventually influenza pulls out of the presidential race. A vaccine’s job is to provoke the body, it just does it without the risk associated with the actual virus it is going to prevent. It’s a bit like taking a cab home after a night of drinking. It’s not any safer than driving sober yourself but it’s shit loads safer than driving drunk. That analogy was absolutely awful, inaccurate and unwarranted but I stand by it and I think you get my point. It’s a vaccine’s job to irritate your body a little, and sometimes you sweat or run a slight fever or itch, it’s just that these symptoms are more pronounced in children.

Sometimes people who argue against vaccines will say things to me like, “vaccines contain mercury.” This is completely true. Mercury is used in vaccines as a preservative but while a horse is a horse is a horse, a mercury is not a mercury is not a mercury. Methylmercury will bioaccumulate and make all your hair fall out and you’ll die. Kind of like that guy who picks the wrong cup in Indiana Jones and The Last Crusdade but way slower and way further away from Harrison Ford. Ethylmercury, the kind of mercury they use in vaccines, does NOT bioaccumulate and has no data supporting the claim that it kills anyone despite their proximity to Harrison Ford.

Sometimes people who argue against vaccines will says things to me like, “sometimes children can have major complications when they are vaccinated, sometimes they can die.” Again, true. But a vast majority don’t. And I don’t mean a vast majority like 75% of children don’t die from vaccination and 25% do, I mean like nearly none. And I don’t mean to sound callous, and I’m not trying to diminish the loss of the life of a child, but I want to just look at the cold hard numbers and there is no way to do that without looking as cold and as hard as a penguin in a strip club. I don’t mean any offense. The reason people die from vaccinations are due to allergies and a thing called Guillain-Barre syndrome.

Guillian-Barre syndrome is where the body goes bananas in response to a foreign body. It starts a process of ‘molecular mimicry’ which ‘is defined as the theoretical possibility that sequence similarities between foreign and self-peptides are sufficient to result in the cross-activation of auto-reactive T or B cells by pathogen-derived peptides.’ I don’t know what that means either but it’s pretty awful. It can cause numbness, tingling, muscular weakness, respiratory failure, paralysis and other wonderful things like heart attacks and dying. Basically, it’s shit. BUT, the odds of developing Guillian-Barre from a flu vaccine are one in a million and of that number only 5% of cases are fatal. Guillian-Barre syndrome doesn’t generally cause nerve damage to the brain or spine so you won’t be a wobbly person for the rest of your life and it’s important to note that vaccines aren’t the sole reason someone might develop Guillian-Barre syndrome. Ok, so, say 20 million children are vaccinated against influenza (100% of the population of children aged 0 – 4 in the United States). Of that 20 million let’s, for arguement, say that 10 in a million develop Guillian-Barre syndrome, that’s ten times the normal rate. That’s 200 children. If the average of 5% of those children die, that means 10 children will die. And remember, that’s 10 times the actual figure. The parents of those 10 children will be devastated and I can’t fathom the grief parents must go through when they lose a child. And I’m not trying to diminish their greif or claim that the life of there child has no value, it does. Absolutely it does. I’m just talking numbers.

The allergic reaction rate, caused by egg protein used in vaccines, causes 104 deaths per 160 million vaccinations. So if 20 million children are vaccinated that means 13 will die which leaves a total of 23 children including our 10x figure of Gullian-Barre. 23 children who may not have died had they not been vaccinated. But immunisation prevents the deaths of 35,000 children in the United States alone. And immunisation prevents pandemics. The Spanish Flu pandemic killed more people in a single year than The Black Plague killed in a century. It claimed the lives of 3% of the total global population at the time. 50 million people. 27 years before the first flu vaccine. For contrast, the recent Swine Flu epidemic was of the same subtype as the Spanish Flu (H1N1), the Swine flu claimed the lives of around 20,000 people. 0.000292375988961472% of the total global population. And yes, I used a percentage calculator. There are many factors at play in the two situations: cleanliness, speed of information, advances in treatment and increases in the standard of living. But included in all that is vaccination. Vaccination, along with other advances in medicine and the standard of living, made sure that Swine Flu wasn’t another global pandemic that claimed the lives of millions of people. Vaccination alone did not prevent this but it played a major part, it is an important cog in a massive machine whose job it is to punch influenza in the face.

(I should point out that the rate of death for people with allergic reactions to vaccines who seek medical attention is 1 in 1.6 billion. Which is 0.00125 children per 20 million children immunised. So, virtually never. If you have had your child immunised and aren’t sure, take them to a doctor. They are most likely fine but you lose nothing but time by playing it safe.)

Vaccinations have saved the lives of more people than any other medical advance in the history of medicine. I am not an immunologist, I don’t profess to have a deep understanding of immunities, biology or vaccination. And I can only use google and the internet to get my numbers. I’m not perfect and I don’t profess to be a bastion of knowledge on the subject. But I do profess to know more than people who claim vaccinations are killing our children and giving them Autism. If you don’t vaccinate your children because you think it puts them at risk, you should really consider the risk you are exposing them to by not vaccinating them. It is negligent. It is inaction based on unjustified fear. Your child may not like running a fever after a vaccination, but I’m sure they’ll hate that wheely shoe they have to wear when they get polio.

Jenny McCarthy’s breast implants didn’t give her child Autism but while people are demonising vaccinations I may as well demonise fake tits. They look ridiculous anyway.